Life After Brain Surgery

A week ago my family was all meeting up at a parking garage outside of University of Maryland Medical Center Baltimore, gathering our belongings necessary for the long day ahead, and rushing inside to get to where I needed to be by my 5:30 appt time. Sadly, the hospital sent us on a long run around until we finally landed right where we needed to be, but we got there. Tension was high among the group, of course. The nervousness in the air; palpable.

I was asked if I was ready, more times than a few. How do you answer that? How are you ever ready to risk leaving your family behind? How are you ever ready to risk not coming back to them the same as you left them? So I lied. I was ready, yes. I lied and said I was fine. I lied and said I was going to be okay. I was petrified.

Questions began, IV was started, prepping was moving at the speed of light, but I was still stuck. Lingering, waiting for my entire family to hug me all at once. What would be my last thing to say to each one of them? How do you decide that? You cannot scare the kids, Kristen. You cannot upset your sisters, Kris. And my God, don’t let my parents feel my fear.

Last night I was asked what I felt in those moments. What was it that I told myself to help me get through it and make the final decision to go through with it.

The answer is my life. I wanted my life back. The vibrant, exuberant, fly by the seat of her pants girl was gone. She was replaced long ago by a zombie of a woman that was barely surviving this world. She could no longer head out on grand adventures, planned or otherwise. She spent her days hardly able to make it up and down the stairs let alone to a school event with homemade brownies.

She couldn’t make it to concerts with her sisters anymore. She had to cancel plans with friends more times than a few. She couldn’t get outside and run around with her two sons anymore. Life as she knew it ceased to exist.

But this morning. 7 days after the scariest decision of her life, that girl woke up at 5 am without an alarm clock, went downstairs without a single creaking or aching bone (stairs are a different story), and made herself a cup of coffee. Do you realize how long it has been since that has happened? I won’t count the nights where sleep never happened and I got up at 5 to start a day after a night of no rest. I’m talking actually slept for hours, woke up, went down, and made my own damn coffee??

Let’s ask my little baristas when they wake. I bet ya it’s been a while.

Good morning, world. It’s good to be back.

Planning for a New Year

As I lay in my room, Netflix blaring in the background, I’m contemplating my next moves. Not just tomorrow, but for the whole year. How could I be more productive in my writing? How can I establish myself as a writer? What would it take to obtain more followers on my blog? 

Well, I started jotting down random combinations of words. Words that could be considered scenarios. Scenarios that could be considered writing prompts. Perhaps they will help me with my novel. And perhaps I can share them with all of you.

Let me know what you think in the comments, or just give it a like if you would like to start seeing them here. 

~Kristen 

Changes for the Coming Year

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Hello everyone,

I’ve made some changes to my site for the coming year. I am trying to better organize my blog, which meant importing everything from my original blog into this one. My original blog was more of a secret while I gained confidence in my writing. Now, I think I’ve become more confident and have decided to join the two blogs into one. I think I have done it and I hope it’s right! I had never done that before so it was all a learning process.

I’ve never been one for New Year’s Resolutions. But I need to start. I’m going to focus more time on writing. All of it. My poetry, my novel, my blogs, my freelance work, my college studies. I am going to begin scheduling when I do certain things. If I block out certain times for certain things, I think that will help me become more organized and thus, more productive.

The book sales have slacked off a bit, so I’m trying to come up with better marketing techniques. Freelance work is going okay. I’m getting back what I’m putting in….which hasn’t been much to be honest.

I will complete my B.S. in Psychology the end of February….Yay, go me!!! I have a University in mind for my Master’s program, but I may continue to weigh my options. With my GPA, I think schools should be fighting for me!! Not to toot my own horn or anything, but TOOOOOT!!!

Well, that’s the update. I am now writing everything using my own name, without hiding my identity. I am proud of how far I’ve come and I cannot wait to see how far I can go.

Goodnight folks,

Kristen