Screaming in Silence

Pain, ripping flesh, breaking bones, searing flames of agony.
This isn’t torture. It’s my normal.
Tears flow down swollen cheeks to meet the pool gathered on my pillow. How many more nights will this flare last?
The drill in my ear, pressure building. Electric shocks through my jaw. Someone stop it.
Turn off the power. Cut the nerve. Rescue me. I’m dying. Please help me.

I wrote that poem in the middle of a flare up of the neuralgias I love with. They are always constant, but some days they flare so bad I cannot function. It’s unbelievably frustrating. The pain is beyond what the human body should have to endure. 10 days to surgery. I am so ready for this to be done!

~Kristen

Knowledge of My Ignorance

I found a new book recently that is a daily devotional for intellectuals. It offers various readings each day presenting facts from the seven fields of knowledge. While reading the other night from the area of Philosophy, I came across an interesting idea presented by Socrates. Without the exact quote, the book presented it like this:

Socrates explained that he was no wiser than any other; it is only that he is aware of his own ignorance. That is what made him intelligent, in a sense.

I went online and found a few quotes that were similar and wanted to present them and discuss them here along with my thoughts on the concept.

True wisdom comes to each of us when we realize how little we understand about life, ourselves, and the world around us.

 

And


I know nothing except the fact of my ignorance.

~Socrates

Socrates evidently challenged men that claimed to know so much about various topics just to prove they did not know as much as they claimed to know. I think we can learn a lesson from this. It is our ignorance and our lack of knowledge that allows us to see ourselves for what we truly are. The ability to realize that I am ignorant to so much is what provides me with the wisdom in my life. Understanding that my knowledge is limited allows me to respect that which I do not yet understand and strive to continuously add to my knowledge base. However, I know that I will still be learning as long as I live, and I also know that I will never in my lifetime gain every bit of knowledge which exists in the world.

Something that has always fascinated me about those with intellectual disabilities is that they are content in their ignorance. Consider those with Asperger’s and their superior “hyperfocus” on topics which interest them; they continue to learn as much as they possibly can about a topic and are not concerned with their lack of knowledge of other topics. To me, that seems to put them at a higher level than most people. Many of us like to pretend that we know so much (myself included) and we are merely full of useless facts that do not provide anything to the greater good. We like to deny our ignorance of certain things in order to maintain a superiority complex. Those with intellectual disabilities seem to be aware of that ignorance and completely accepting of it. They do not need to know everything. They know what they know, and they are happy in that knowledge.

It makes me wonder if my desire to know so much is commendable or detestable. Should I continue to strive for knowledge or be more accepting of the fact that regardless of my quest to learn as much as I can, I will never learn it all? Should I be content in my ignorance of those things which I do not, and may not ever, understand? What are your thoughts?

~Kristen

Kismet? Or Something Else?

Mesmerized by his eyes

and the dark side that he hides.

His words, like honey, flow through my brain.

Sweet and full of substance.

Never an empty word.

He fills the spaces with thoughts to ponder.

He sends my mind reeling to another dimension.

I become a dreamer and find myself mystified by his nature.

He is something I have never experienced.

I just want to know him on every level.

I want to explore the human condition with him.

He sends this energy through me with written word.

I cannot understand this.

Who is this man?

What is his purpose for me?

~Kristen Ruchalski

10/20/2017

The Day Needs More Hours!

Good morning all,

I wish there were more hours in a day! We all wish for that, don’t we? I feel like no matter how hard I try to plan, I can never accomplish all that I set out to do each day. Between school work, my new freelancing gig, and my family, I have about 4 hours not filled with anything. And if it’s okay, I’d like to sleep during that time!

I have not had any time for writing my novel and not a bit of time for my blogs. Which hurts my heart. These things are important to me. Sadly, I cannot focus on them as much as I would like. Who knew transcribing audio files would take up so much time?!?!

I’m doing what I have to do, however, to make a little extra cash. Kids are damn expensive little creatures, aren’t they? Love their hearts!But it’s Christmas, so all other things take a back burner while I ensure they have what they want.

Maybe book sales will rise soon. Perhaps people are now telling their friends, who are telling other friends. Or perhaps the number I’ve sold now will be it. Perhaps the sales are done. I will have to accept that. And ya know what? I’m pretty proud of my accomplishment. I can actually say I’m published. Even if it was self-published, it still counts in my book!

Well I better get to my to-do list. I will probably only complete half of it anyway. Cannot waste any more time!

~Kristen

Late Night Thoughts: Book Sales

So as all of my friends and family receive their copies of my book in the mail, they are taking pics of the book and posting it to facebook. My aunt (Dad’s sister), who was the first to receive hers, even wrote a long review and rave of my book on fb, which included the names of her 3 favorite poems. Tonight, my uncle (Mom’s brother) posted photos to show that he had received his copy and even a picture of his favorite poem. Friends, some that I have never actually met in person, are supporting my dreams along with my family.

However, something just hit me tonight. These people, from all walks of life, are finding something they enjoy within my writing. I am touching the hearts of young, old, male, female, American, Canadian, and the list goes on!! That is so incredible to me!

Yes, I know that family may be biased. But they could just write a simple note saying they got it and even lie and say they loved it. These lovelies are finding something in this book that brings back feelings in themselves. Feelings that they may have felt were only their own.

It sometimes helps, as people, to know we are not alone. It helps to see that others feel the same things, good and bad. It puts things in perspective, doesn’t it? It sure has for me.

Good night all.

~Kristen

Collection of Poetry, Available in Paper Back and on Kindle