Lost in a Sea of Words
"Scars are souvenirs you never lose" Never has that line meant so much to me. Never did it ring more true. And while they may fade over time, and may not always be visible to others, my scars are a constant reminder to me. "The past is never far" At first I counted days gone …
Recently, I ended up back in the hospital with the scare of another infection. Thankfully, all the tests came back fine. Docs think I was just still in recovery mode and could possibly be catching a cold or something so they sent me home. But before leaving, the Chief Resident of Neurosurgery gave me a …
As I trudge through this recovery process, what I once thought was a normal part of recovery, I've now learned is something permanent. That realization is soul crushing. There aren't words to describe what it has done to my spirit. As a graduate student of psychology, I am fully aware of the implications of what …
***Content warning: x-ray images of my head! May be disturbing for some. It's almost 3 am and I'm still awake. As I try to sleep, I'm reminded that I'm never going to be normal again. Not the normal I had. Here is my new normal. Incisions itch as they heal, even months later. Hair takes …
I am not okay. I have pushed myself too hard and too fast. I have tried pretending that I am okay and I'm not. I need to face that reality before I end up doing more damage to my already weak and broken body. Fact is, I went through hell and I'm not allowing myself …
Staring at the blinking cursor on the screen, I cannot, for the life of me, remember why I labeled a previous post "part 1".... I haven't the foggiest idea why or where I intended to go with part 2. But I guess my lack of memory fits, doesn't it? I feel like today has been …
Continue reading "Life After Brain Surgery: Memory (Part 2)"
I don't know who I am anymore. I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing with my life. I don't know what is what anymore. I can't go back to the old me. I've grown and changed through my experiences. So I can't go back to that girl. But this woman I've become seems …
Dear Diary, I've been in a really low place lately. I'm mad at myself for missing a day of writing. But yesterday I was so damn emotional. I cried for hours. This stupid depression is serious. Last night I couldn't take it anymore. I feel so alone sometimes. I know I've been through some tough …
I cried again tonight. This time for something that I realized had been happening and what I realize is happening now. So the period of time that I struggled for answers to my health problems was about 3 and a half years. It was June 16, 2015 that I woke up with a headache that …
Continue reading "Life After Brain Surgery: Memory (Part 1)"
