Recently, I ended up back in the hospital with the scare of another infection. Thankfully, all the tests came back fine. Docs think I was just still in recovery mode and could possibly be catching a cold or something so they sent me home. But before leaving, the Chief Resident of Neurosurgery gave me a little pep talk.
He told me that he realizes my frustration with having to live in pain every day. But then he said, “headaches are a part of your life, but you can’t let them define your life”. And that little sentence, as small as it is, carried so much weight and made me begin changing my perspective. I started to think about everything differently.
Sure, my life has changed, but I still have a life. Isn’t that the most important thing? I could have died 4 different times; but I didn’t. I’m still here with lots of stories to tell, new relationships to appreciate, and scars that will remind me daily of how bad ass I really am.
Driving home from the hospital the morning after my visit, I began looking at so many things with a new perspective. As I drove down the interstate, I could see the tops of trees; probably about 10-15 feet tall from my perspective. Then I realized that those trees were probably 50 or 60 feet tall and my view only showed me a portion since I was on an overpass. Looking at them from the ground up, I would see so much more of them and appreciate their strength and beauty in a totally different way.
So that is what I need to do. I need to stop focusing on the miniature parts of my story and look at the whole. Look at it from the bottom up. I have risen from the ashes more times than a few and I can, and will do it again.
And I will not be defined by the pain, or my surgeries. I will be defined by my resilience, my determination, and my drive to get past these hurdles and begin living my life again.
*This may or may not be my last post under “Life After Brain Surgery” because I want to begin focusing on my future; living life without constantly thinking about what these brain surgeries have done and just get on with living.