Staring at the blinking cursor on the screen, I cannot, for the life of me, remember why I labeled a previous post “part 1“…. I haven’t the foggiest idea why or where I intended to go with part 2. But I guess my lack of memory fits, doesn’t it?
I feel like today has been several steps back for me. I haven’t done a single productive thing. Unless you count showering. So okay, I’ve done 1 productive thing. Uno. Singular. My pain is actually bad today and that’s upsetting because it hasn’t been bad at all. I’ve had more pain free days lately than I could have even imagined possible. But today is bad. Phantom nerve pains. Headache due to weather changes. Bionic parts throbbing. Body is tired from doing way too much the last 2 weeks. It’s a rest day!
But back to the memory stuff. Where was I? Nope, still don’t remember. I guess this brain surgery is some serious business for poor ole Brain. I can say that lack of memory and recovering has helped me to stop thinking about the things that used to fill my mind daily. So that’s good. Each day I have just enough mental energy to make it through the day. Additional thinking costs extra energy which I don’t have. Recalling memories, especially sad or hurtful ones; that’s just not worth the energy expenditure.
So I guess it has been my lack of memory, especially the constant recall of certain people or events, that has helped me move past certain things. I feel a weight has somewhat been lifted because I realize I was holding on to so much sadness. So many things I needed to let go, but couldn’t before now.
Maybe later I will write about all the toxic people I’ve been cutting out of my life lately. It’s quite healing!