You never loved me. You loved the idea of me. You loved the idea of someone that was willing to fight for you. Someone that was willing to give you attention. The attention you weren’t getting. And I fell for it. I bought the lies. I believed every word. And in the end, I got burned.
And I wonder how you feel now, seeing me after all this time. After what you did. Did the knot form in your chest like it did in mine? Did your heart begin to beat faster and faster at the sight of me? Did you wish you could talk to me like I did you?
I saw the look in your eyes. That same look you always had. The look that says “rescue me from this hell”; “save me from my misery”. I know that look very well. I also know the look in your eyes when you know I’m hurting. It’s pitiful. And I saw that look too. I saw that you were too busy staring at me to pay attention to her. Did she notice? Did she see?
Did you try to put yourself in my path when you raced down the next aisle? Is that what that was? Were you trying to make eye contact, yet again? Well, it worked. You caught my eyes one last time before I hauled ass out of the store and away from you. I had to get out of there. The walls were closing in on me.
Seeing you again was not what I expected it to be. I didn’t know I would still feel these feelings. I didn’t know they would still be so strong. I didn’t know that my chest would tighten and my heart would race. I didn’t know I would forget how to speak. I didn’t know that walking would be such a difficult thing to do. I didn’t know that I still couldn’t bear the sight of you. I didn’t know that when I got home afterwards, the only thing that would calm me was a strong mixed drink. That damn Bacardi that always saved my ass when you crushed my soul. Did you know these things? Well you do now.