Lost in a Sea of Words
Standing on that desecrated ground The wind blowing. Sunshine on my skin, burning your memory away. Tears were not shed, as too many have fallen before. I felt the beast rise in me, reminding me of my power. I took it back, you do not control that any longer. It's mine. You lose. Too many …
This medical alert bracelet, like a handcuff. Holding me to a past I didn't want. Condemning me to a future I don't deserve. Vibrant, energetic, and strong. My health was ripped away without warning. This can't be real. They must be wrong. I didn't deserve this. I want me back. I want my life. Unfair. …
Always waiting, hoping. Wishing there was something more. Take it for what it is, no matter how little I get of you. A glance, a smile, or sex. But never your whole heart. Never. Will I ever get that? It's beyond my reach. I can't seem to understand why. I reason with you. I try …
"Scars are souvenirs you never lose" Never has that line meant so much to me. Never did it ring more true. And while they may fade over time, and may not always be visible to others, my scars are a constant reminder to me. "The past is never far" At first I counted days gone …
Recently, I ended up back in the hospital with the scare of another infection. Thankfully, all the tests came back fine. Docs think I was just still in recovery mode and could possibly be catching a cold or something so they sent me home. But before leaving, the Chief Resident of Neurosurgery gave me a …
As I trudge through this recovery process, what I once thought was a normal part of recovery, I've now learned is something permanent. That realization is soul crushing. There aren't words to describe what it has done to my spirit. As a graduate student of psychology, I am fully aware of the implications of what …
***Content warning: x-ray images of my head! May be disturbing for some. It's almost 3 am and I'm still awake. As I try to sleep, I'm reminded that I'm never going to be normal again. Not the normal I had. Here is my new normal. Incisions itch as they heal, even months later. Hair takes …
So I know that I've been basically sedentary since my surgeries, and the loads of steroids they pumped into my body probably didn't help. But OMG why did it take seeing my x-rays for me to see how fat I am? You guys, fat shows up differently on an x-ray. You can see the difference …
I am not okay. I have pushed myself too hard and too fast. I have tried pretending that I am okay and I'm not. I need to face that reality before I end up doing more damage to my already weak and broken body. Fact is, I went through hell and I'm not allowing myself …
