Lost in a Sea of Words
As I trudge through this recovery process, what I once thought was a normal part of recovery, I've now learned is something permanent. That realization is soul crushing. There aren't words to describe what it has done to my spirit. As a graduate student of psychology, I am fully aware of the implications of what …
***Content warning: x-ray images of my head! May be disturbing for some. It's almost 3 am and I'm still awake. As I try to sleep, I'm reminded that I'm never going to be normal again. Not the normal I had. Here is my new normal. Incisions itch as they heal, even months later. Hair takes …
So I know that I've been basically sedentary since my surgeries, and the loads of steroids they pumped into my body probably didn't help. But OMG why did it take seeing my x-rays for me to see how fat I am? You guys, fat shows up differently on an x-ray. You can see the difference …
I am not okay. I have pushed myself too hard and too fast. I have tried pretending that I am okay and I'm not. I need to face that reality before I end up doing more damage to my already weak and broken body. Fact is, I went through hell and I'm not allowing myself …
I have been resting more than normal this weekend. It seems I've overdone it the past couple weeks. Many errands to run, appointments to keep, and then lots of stuff around the house. I've been resting, reading, replenishing. I will write more when Brain rests a bit. ❤️❤️
Staring at the blinking cursor on the screen, I cannot, for the life of me, remember why I labeled a previous post "part 1".... I haven't the foggiest idea why or where I intended to go with part 2. But I guess my lack of memory fits, doesn't it? I feel like today has been …
Continue reading "Life After Brain Surgery: Memory (Part 2)"
Often at night, I find that soaking in a bubble bath is helpful for me. It helps ease some of the muscle tension I have from surgery. But it also allows me to lay in silence alone with my thoughts. Most times, while the bath water fills, I cup my hands under the running water. …
Continue reading "Life After Brain Surgery: Therapeutic Thoughts"
I don't know who I am anymore. I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing with my life. I don't know what is what anymore. I can't go back to the old me. I've grown and changed through my experiences. So I can't go back to that girl. But this woman I've become seems …
Dear Diary, I've been in a really low place lately. I'm mad at myself for missing a day of writing. But yesterday I was so damn emotional. I cried for hours. This stupid depression is serious. Last night I couldn't take it anymore. I feel so alone sometimes. I know I've been through some tough …
