Lust

Life isn’t always what it seems. 

She’s not the woman of his dreams. 

She cannot break free of her past. 

The thoughts, the urges, who knows if this will last. 


She never was the girl next door. 

And they all just keep coming back for more. 

Leave her alone, she wants to change. 

Stop tempting her with lustful rage. 

~Kristen 

My Day (It was not what I had planned)

Good evening folks,

So yesterday I spent the day driving around the region, attempting to flood the market with my resume. Instead, the rain flooded things! I didn’t get to stop at all of the locations I had planned, so I set out again today. One thing after another happened to let me know “today is not my day”. I decided to drive to one of the local libraries nearby where I was to search for a book to help with the paper I’m writing this week. Of course, they didn’t have what I was looking for.

What they did have was an awesome book sale!! And I got a ton of books, plus a tote bag to carry them. Of course, all funds go to assist with running the library, which is great. I did find a few books to borrow, but let’s see if I will get them read before they are due back in a few weeks. 🙂

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When I finally got home, my body was screaming at me. Damn fibromyalgia. I feel like I probably overdid it the past couple days with the driving all over creation, the stress of job-searching, and just overall running around. My body needs a break. See, when you have fibro, your body can only handle so much before it forces you to take a break. So I took a nap, but woke up feeling worse. Now, every single muscle in my body is cramped again. It’s rather uncomfortable and a huge inconvenience.

The good that did happen today was being able to assist an elderly, homeless woman with money for food. I know sometimes people beg for money for drugs, alcohol, or some other addiction. But I just felt it in my gut that this lady was sincerely in need of help. She was kind, well spoken, and in desperate need of assistance. I offered some suggestions for places to go until the shelter has room, rather than her continuing to sleep under a bridge. She had already been to all the places I suggested and no help was provided to her. It breaks my heart to see this stuff happening in our country. From small towns, to big cities, this is a nation-wide problem.

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I didn’t have much to offer her, but I gave her what cash I had. I’m thinking of getting her a bunch of toiletries, some food and water, and perhaps a bag to carry it all. Anything to tide her over until the shelter gives her a place to rest her head. I hope I can find her again. The weather has been dreary and raining here in my neck of the woods for quite a few days. It is terrible that there are people trying to survive out in the elements while so many homes and buildings sit empty.

You may or may not know that I have my B.S. in Psychology and I am continuing my education, currently working on a MS in Psychology with a specialization in Applied Behavior Analysis. I have plans to help many people in my professional life. But one thing I am very passionate about is becoming an advocate for lower income families in my community. I know first hand what it’s like to live in poverty. I see the flaws in our system. Flaws that continue to hold people down rather than offering them the step up that they need in their lives. Many of the people living in poverty just need that step up, not a hand out. Many do not want to stay on welfare, food or housing assistance, or any other government programs. But with the flawed system, they do not have much choice.

I will change things one day. I am determined.

~Kristen

Good Morning

The days pass, and I still find myself without the right words to share. I feel like I’ve lost my vision for my writing. It used to come so easy, now it’s not the same. I have a million ideas; none of which match what I used to write. 


I have not had the time I would like to have to work on my novel. College studies take up so much time. Kids take up a lot more! Lol. And now I’ve had ideas for a series here on my blog. 

Most of us are people watchers. I think it’s rather natural. As I watch the interactions of the people around me, I often try to imagine the background stories, the current situation, and what the future will bring. Do you? 

My birthday is in a few days, and graduation on a few weeks. I feel that I have changed as a person, thus changing as a writer. I used to share just poetry and a few bits of my novel. I pretty much had a theme. That’s all changing. 

This blog will be changing to a collection of whatever thoughts I have that day. It may be political rants, poetry, short stories, mom stories, funny things, sad things, etc. 

I hope you will stick around. And I hope you understand the reasons for the shift. 

~Kristen

Twenty Years

Twenty years ago, my world turned upside down. It’s seems so strange to say something happened to me twenty years ago. Man I feel old.

Twenty years ago the world lost a beautiful person. A son, brother, nephew, cousin, friend. His adorable smile could charm anyone. His eyes, like heaven’s stars, could light up any room. He was a mysteriously, complicated person. One who seemed to have it all together. He had plans, goals, and dreams. One of which, was the car he was planning to buy when he turned 16. Too bad he passed away 4 months before his birthday. But I still remember how he would talk about that car.

I remember the night we lost him. And the weeks leading up to his death. And I know that those events forever changed the person I was meant to be. His death made me who I am. As the years pass, I mourn for him in different ways. Initially, of course, it was mourning the loss of my friend/boyfriend (I was 13, he was 15, what do you call that?)

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Now as an adult, I mourn for the younger me who had to deal with that at such a young age. I mourn for the man he would have become. I mourn for all of us who knew him and loved him so deeply. As a parent, I mourn even more for his parents, knowing I could never imagine the pain they felt during that time and even still.  My oldest child is now 15, the same age he was when he was taken from this world. I cannot even begin to fathom losing a child.

I have talked about him often over the years with friends, family, and even strangers. His death was caused by something so stupid, yet so typical of the age group. The teen years are full of exploration and experimentation. I get that. But losing someone because of curiosity and the need to fill some time, well that’s just unfair. I have used his death as a lesson for my own children, warning them of the dangers of drugs, alcohol, and especially “huffing”.

If you don’t know what huffing is or how negatively it can impact your life, please do some research. Huffing is inhaling chemicals to get high. In this case, gasoline. Can you imagine gasoline being the last thing you smell in this world? Gasoline is something we all need regularly in order to get around in our vehicles, run our lawn mowers, etc. Can you imagine how that smell has impacted all of us who loved him? Can you imagine filling up your gas tank knowing that something you need is the same thing that wrecked your world?

Anyway, I’m getting off topic. Considering it’s the twentieth anniversary of his death, I decided it’s time to take my children to his grave. Over the years they have heard all about him, especially during lectures. But I feel now is the time to finally solidify the lessons. Seeing his headstone will surely have an impact. (And NO, I am not looking for opinions on that topic).

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When I say this event changed my world, that is no exaggeration. For a long time, I wanted to die too. I wanted to join him wherever he went after this life. I no longer wanted to live knowing that he would never come back. After his death, I began writing. As soon as I find those journals full of poetry, I will share them with you all here. Until then, warn others in your life of the dangers of huffing. And when you hug your children, hug them much tighter than the last time.

I have no idea what path my life may have taken if he had not died. Would we have been high school sweethearts who would have later married and had the perfect, picket fence life? Or would we have had a nasty, knock down, drag out break up after prom? Who knows? But I know that I would prefer that either of those had happened rather than what actually did happen. Even if we had lost touch and ended up hating each other, I would still rather that he be alive and not buried in the cold, hard ground.

I will miss him every single day for the rest of my life. But my belief that I will see him again one day keeps him in my heart. I hope that he is proud of who I’ve become and I like to think he’s smiling down on me.

Until we meet again, Brooks, you are forever in my heart.

~Kristen

Shadows Cast

Shadows cast by the street lamps. 

Trying hard to catch his glance. 

A moment since he arrived.

But only moments left til he leaves. 

Bold and brazen he showed up. 

She hung her head low when she knew. 

He didn’t come to give her love.

He didn’t just show up out of the blue. 

He arrived with a purpose. 

To bring news of what he was feeling.

His heart wasn’t hers, after all. 

His revelation left her reeling.    


Her strength is fake and fleeting. 

She hoped to be wiser after this meeting.

She let him leave without a fight. 

She knew all along it wasn’t right.    

She said goodbye to a heart that night. 

A broken soul that would never be alright. 

It was her heart that drove away. 

When he stated he couldn’t stay.

©KRuchalskiWriter 2017

Feeling Optimistic

So, I had my job interview yesterday (Friday). It could be weeks before I hear due to the hiring process at this state agency. However, when the hiring manager saw my degree, he pointed out that I would be better suited for different positions rather than the one for which I was interviewing… So now I’m feeling pretty optimistic about getting a job using my degree while also furthering my professional involvement in my field. 


Recently, my university came under fire because people that graduate from my program are not finding gainful employment. Is that the school’s fault? Or is it the fault of the graduates? I personally feel it is up to each individual person to make the best of their education and degree. It is their responsibility to go out there and find the jobs for which they are qualified. Things will not just fall in your lap. You have to get out there and present yourself to the world.
I find it odd that people spend a fortune on education then they do not even use it! I intend to put my degree to great use. I am confident in my abilities and I know that I have much to offer the world because of my degree program. I am looking forward to sharing more with all of you.

Kristen